You are a young, attractive, married woman. You are secretary to a young, attractive man. You work well with your employer, and you respect him.
One day, while alone with him in the office, he makes a pass at you. You are flattered as it had never occurred to you that he might think of you in this way. A quick decision must be made.
If you speak harshly, your job could be at stake and, at the moment, it is a much-needed job to pay for the new house. If you laugh it off, he may take that as a signal to try again. If you go ahead with it, you could be inviting more, more and then more of it until it becomes a full-blown reason for a marriage break-up! It would be most pleasurable to go ahead. So what is going to be the criteria for making this quick decision?
Much depends on your value system up to this point in life. If you have been brought up to believe the sex drive should be fulfilled whenever possible - that is, if you believe in 'human rights', you will go ahead. You would reason that your husband and child will never know and, if they do find out, they probably wouldn't mind. You would not consider the possibility that your child could end up in a single-parent home, or that this man's wife may be hurt and his four children left with only one parent. Your decision, then, affects not only yourself, but the lives of two entire families!
If you have been reared in a Christian home and have always believed in keeping oneself free of sin as outlined in the Bible, you will probably have no difficulty in making a wise decision. Being attractive, this problem has pursued you all your life, and you have learned how to handle it.
The Commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery" (Exod.20:14) has never changed. The Apostle Paul said that we are "the temple of the living God" (2 Cor.6:16), and he warned that anyone committing adultery or fornication could never inherit the kingdom of God, (Gal.5:19-21).
Jesus forgave the woman whom the priests had caught committing adultery. He told her to "go and sin no more" (John 8:11). Notice he forgave; he did not CONDONE!
Our decision, then, really depends on whether we have valid reasons for turning down the pass made at us. Without a good reason, we will probably allow it, at least 'just this once.'
One reason many marriages are falling apart is illustrated here. If you have allowed your mind to fantasize about another man, if you have watched lustful scenes in movies or television, or if you have read passionate love stories, you may be unable to refuse such a pass. Actions begin in thought patterns.
For the Christian, there is only one course of action. Turn directly to this man you respect and tell him kindly but firmly that you have a husband whom you love (even if you find him a pain sometimes!) and that you do not wish to do anything to hurt him. Let him know you appreciate working for him, but you want to keep it only a business relationship. If done kindly, he will probably not be offended but flattered instead. He will have high regard for your stand, and feel more secure in his own marriage. You can return home tonight with self-respect.
Christian rules are not, as many think, reins to keep one from enjoying life. Sin can be very pleasurable for a season (Heb.11:25) but later brings untold suffering and misery. The Ten Commandments are like a set of traffic lights - when the light is red, one who crosses the street may get hurt. When we disobey the commandments, we also end up in trouble of one kind or another - trouble not only for ourselves, but also for those around us. Our sin may be felt even "to the third and fourth generation" (Exod.20:5) - that is, if we make a wrong decision today, our grandchildren may suffer many years from now. It is difficult for children raised in a broken home to provide a secure home for THEIR children, and so the insecurity and rejection spreads through families and generations like a virus.
If I choose my 'human right' today, I will go ahead and let my feelings take over. If I choose to follow Jesus, I will consider the rights of others and kindly refuse.
What will your choice be?
© 1999, Doreen Palmer